I have taught grief counseling for over eleven years and have lost my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others that I have loved dearly. So, I truly thought I was as knowledgeable as I could be on the subject.
Yet, knowing a topic in your head is not the same as experiencing it at a level so deep that one might feel buried or swallowed up. It's analogous to that tired old phrase that the physician cannot heal himself. Moving what we may know in our head to our heart is a journey over many miles and rough terrain.
This is what I feel compelled to share as we don't give grief the time that it deserves. It's uncomfortable, so we sweep it under the rug or shove it in the closet. Yet, we can't ignore it. Grief demands its time. If we don't intentionally give it its time, it takes from us when we least expect it.
The early loss of my amazing husband caused me to take a long look at my own grief and my understanding of it. He fought for six long years, and we were sure he was going to overcome this dreaded rare blood disorder called Amyloidosis. Yet, we were forced to face the truth and, therefore, went through anticipatory grief as a couple.
Then, he told me he was ready. I joked, because that's how we interacted, that of course he was ready. He was going to walk on streets of gold and meet Jesus, but I was going to be stuck down here by myself.
And, that is exactly how it felt in the beginning. I have a wonderful, supportive family, but I don't have my soul-mate, my best friend, and all those roles he filled.
Facing this intense grief was, and still is at times, overwhelming, but I'm learning each day. I'm hoping my experiences, with my background in counseling, will be helpful to you.
